Sunday, November 22, 2009

Pride and Joy
















If there was one thing in my life which I consider my pride and joy, it will definitely be my flying career. A childhood dream came true, the hardwork and effort as well as the fighting spirit throughout these years did not go in vain. Little did I know that my job is highly "sought after" until I noticed the eye full of admiration staring at me every time I walk in and out the aircraft and airport. Some people glance, some stare, and some fix their eye on me with a smile. Of course, I give them back a quick look with a smile as well. There was one time the aircraft forward lavatory was not working properly and I had no choice but to use the rear lavatory. As I walked down the aisle, all eye was on me and that kind of feeling was like, WOW! On few occasions, after the aircraft had come to complete stop and all passengers disembarked, few would remain in the cabin and asked permission to enter the cockpit just to take a quick look. When they did so, they were overwhelmed with excitement and curiosity. Some managed to snap few pics before leaving, subject to captain's approval. Some shook my hand to express their gratitude for a safe flight and smooth journey. A small little gesture it seems, but the end result could be so much different as it helps to light up one's day and thus ease some pressures.










But life is always tough my friend. What you see today is not the whole picture. People only notice the glorious and successful part of my life, but very few will take note on the bad experience and failure I had in the past. For me, everyday is a challenge, every flight is a challenge, because I need to ensure that I perform to the required level, any lack in performance is unacceptable. From time to time, I need to remain vigilant, even if it's just a short flight. At times, when shit hit the fence and you were really having a "bad hair day", you just counldn't help making a lot of mistakes in flight. You couldn't imagine what you did, you felt like, "oh crap, what was I doing, what's happening, what's wrong with me today." Then you started to feel stupid and to lesser extent, giving up. Every time when such thought crossed my mind, I felt like defeated and shattered. But then I could never forget the conversation between the father and the son in a Japanese series movie. The father, an old fisherman, told his son who is a pilot and had a car crash and thus broke his leg that "I sailed in the sea for years and I encountered countless storm. But I never give up no matter how violent the storm is, I fight with the storm and I come back home safe and sound every time. How much more are you, a bird which soars in the sky, shouldn't you be tough and courageous as well? Why are you giving up so easily when it's just a small storm of life attacking you"? Eventually, the son stood up, once again, forsaking his past and threw his clutches away. Before long, his flying career restored and he moved on.










I have so much to tell you about the hardship of becoming a pilot. But that's not what I intended to talk right now, and I believe every career field has its own hardship as well. Putting hardship aside, there were also moments which I cherish in flying. From the time you walked in to the airport terminal, some lost passengers asked for direction as they were late, some asked about how to get a taxi, all sort of people. When you're doing a long flight, 3-4 hours across the ocean and above the clouds, you feel like you are so close to mother earth, you touch the sky, you soak in rain and cloud, or mist at times. The blue sky, seems to have soothing effect, and the deep blue ocean, they seem to calm my troubled soul down. Sometimes, when you're going eastward, you're running ahead of the sun, and it shines on you and almost blind your eye. At dawn, you can see the dark earth slowly being lit up by light. Sometimes, when you're going westward, at dusk especially, you're chasing the sun, but you can never overtake her, she moves swiftly and soon you will see lots of afterglow and the sky turns orange, with some blues also visible, kinda like two colours exist in one time. And then, the night engulfs, and at once the whole earth is in total darkness.










For many, flying was regarded as luxurious and glamorous in those days. But things have certainly changed a lot in the last decade. With the introduction of low cost carrier, flying is no longer a dream too far to achieve. But still, a lot of people still haven't been on airplane before. Some of us only travel once in a year, it's like a rare opportunity, something that will only happen when the moon is blue. Quite the contrary to many people, I fly almost everyday, and for this sake, I'm thankful for what God has placed in my life, and yes, I will persevere on, no matter how steep is the road ahead!










Tuesday, November 17, 2009

渐渐反感

我不晓得为设么我对你有种莫名的反感,路遥知马力,日久见人心,一点也没错,相识越久就发现越多的缺点。起初还以为可以包容一切,以为那些只不过是小事而已。但事情并不是想象中那么简单,日子久了就不知不觉中产生了反感,因为一路所累积的不满已经不能储存了,我再也无法忍耐下去了。告诉你,我好像在扮演一个不是自己的角色,有时我发现我在演独角戏,觉得自己不是真实的自己,我好累阿,真得够了。。。。。。。。。。。。我不想在这样下去了,只不过是浪费时间浪费青春而已。。。。。。。。。。。

Sunday, November 15, 2009

倦鸟归巢






我是真的累了,我再也没有力气走下去了。一个人的生活原来是那末寂寞,那末疲倦。我以为自己很坚强而不必靠别人,但后来才发现我真的很渺小,我真正需要的是一颗关怀我的心,一双能为我分担责任与压力的手,而最重要是能够陪我一起走过人生的喜怒哀乐。在外头流浪奔波的日子已经够了,我想我这只倦鸟是时候回巢了。



一个偶然的机会把我带回家乡,起初还很担心会不习惯,可是短短的几天,虽然是平凡的日子,但却叫人流连忘返,回味无穷。母亲的细心照顾让我从此不想再踏出家门,每一个细节都为我打理得井井有条,可说是照顾周到。以前和父亲的关系并不好,但现在的他似乎变了,即使是那区区百分之一的改变也算是一个突破。小弟们的天真无邪,他们的欢笑声至今还在我耳边荡漾。



其实,在我的生命当中母亲是我最敬佩的人。她总是默默的关心,无时无刻,不管心情好或不好,不管是刮风还是下雨。在我人生的低潮期,是母亲的鼓励与支持才让我走出生命的阴霾。我一直都很渴望能够报答父母的恩惠,但是,很多时候我都没有这个能力,钱财方面或是其他方面都好。悄悄告诉你,其实阿,我觉得自己很没用因为到了这个年纪还要他们照顾。但我相信在不久的将来我一定能够为他们做些东西。



还记得在机场的那一幕,我的心情是多么沉重。眼睛虽然没泪水,我想内心是在哭泣,百感交集。我们都清楚知道会有离别的一天,自不过这一去不知何时才返回,或许几个月后,或是半年后。家里面也肯定少了吵杂声,一切又回到原先的平静。来时匆匆,去也匆匆。



我问我自己几时才可以回去长居。我想在短期内是不会有答案,前途茫茫,不知何去何从,只能够说一句,无可奈何!前方还有漫漫长路,我希望我可以早日回家,因为我真的累了!














Sunday, November 1, 2009

藕断丝连??!!

是突然想你又还是我真放不下?

见到你的那一刻我真得很开心,

时间虽然短暂但是却印象深刻,

离别时候还真的有点依依不舍,

你告诉我说一定要好好对待她,

当你的倩影离去时我几乎哭了,

我怎么啦难道这就是藕断丝连?

Friday, October 30, 2009

A Narrow Escape




It was truly a narrow escape. I was on the verge of death. I was "this close" to death. I couldn't believe that I made it, I still cannot believe it, and I'm still feeling depressed. It was an emotional moment, to stand in the gap between the living and the dead. I thought I had fallen, yes, I did fall, but before I hit the ground hardly, God's wings extended and they were so powerful that I was carried away and was lifted to the sky. I've survived the storm, of what could have been a disaster for me had God not intervene.


It was like sailing in the middle of a violent sea with my small boat, though I was tossed, the boat did not sink, nor did it break no matter how strong the wind and wave were. I blamed God for putting me through this, I questioned Him why, why must He allow this to happen. God said, "be still, and sit still, unfurl your sail, and sail on, do not look back, do not be distracted, and do not be terrified." In the end, I reached the port, a place of refuge where the water was calm and seagulls were all over the place. The storm and wave subsided gradually, and soon, they were no longer a threat to me, for God had calmed them down.


I stepped down to the shore, my body was weak and my mind was tired. And there, I met some friends on the shore who welcomed me with open arms and broad smile. They said, "Congratulation! You did it." I told them, "no", "I don't believe what has happened". They said, "my friend, forget the past and move on, do not look back, you have already succeeded, no matter how bad your past experience was". I nodded my head, and still remain in "disbelief", for it was too good to be true. But it was a fact, and it was a MIRACLE. Praise the Lord.

Monday, October 26, 2009

Everything Has Its Time



There is a time for everything........


a time to kill and a time to heal,

a time to tear down and a time to build,


a time to weep and a time to laugh,

a time to mourn and a time to dance,


a time to search and a time to give up,

a time to keep and a time to throw away,


a time to tear and a time to mend,

a time to be silent and a time to speak,


a time to love and a time to hate,

a time for war and a time for peace.


(Ecclesiastes 3)


Yes, everything has its own time and season. The day must gives way to the night, and likewise autumn has to give way to winter. Leaves wither in the autumn, indicating the arrival of winter. The long and cold winter takes the life of many plants away. Leaves die and as the strong and freezing breeze in the dark and lonely winter night blows, it causes them to fall to ground. As a result, the tree has no leaves, and its life is threatened. It seems as though the snow and rain have buried it into deep ground.


As spring approaches, the sun starts to shine, the snow melts slowly and everything is livened up again. The "bald" tree was thought to be dead. To the surprise of many, it did not. Instead, it regenerates and newborn leaves emerge as the sunlight continue to shine on it. No, this seemingly dead tree wasn't dead, and it has become stronger than ever, its roots were forced to deepened into the soil thanks to the strong wind during the winter months and it'll not be shaken easily. As months pass by, summer quickly approaching and the tree becomes even greener than ever.


Many times in our life, we fail to see the purpose behind each of our sufferings. We focus on our problem, and as a result our problem grows from a tiny obstacles to a big mountain in front of us, unknowing that by faith we can move the mountain, and by believing in God deliverance will come, in His time. We become frustrated because deliverance does not come immediately right after we pray, and we are so impatient to wait even a minute. We all are too "short-sighted", we don't know that God is trying to strengthen our character through challenges. You'll never learn the lesson unless you are being put to test and succeed. But he knows the way that I take; when he has tested me, I will come forth as gold. (Job23:10).


I remember a sister once said, "I will choose to live in bad times if I were given a choice between living in good or bad times, because I know that in bad times, I can experience God even more." Her statement left me in awe. I don't understand why she would make such a foolish decision. I don't think anyone of us want to live in bad times. I hate problems, I seriously do. I wish my life was smooth sailing all the way. But God never allows such thought. I realize in recent years that at any point of time when life is happy-go-lucky, something must have been gone wrong, something is not right. Sure enough, problem knocked my door recently. I was very upset by what has happened and there's nothing much I can do to fix it. The very first thought that came to my mind was "all things work for the good of those who love God." Hard to accept the fact and even harder to console myself with those words, I was nearly defeated by the problem. But then again, those words kept on repeating and I became better after that. I started to reflect on all the things that I did in my life, and sadly many things I had done were not pleasing God. Sin came in and broke every good thing in life. I realise that my faith was weakened, and eventually I decided to fast and pray to gain back some strength. Suddenly, Holy spirit reminded me once again about what the sister had said, that she'd rather live in bad times. I realise that she was right, that in every challenges, God shows Himself even more and His presence is stronger. Ultimately, you'll conquer your enemy and win the battle and that's when you will appreciate God even more, because you get to witness His faithfulness.


Now I can see the beauty behind every problem, trial or hardship. I've learn to wait patiently, because deliverance will only come in His time. I've learnt to humble myself, knowing that I have limited strength to fight the battle. I've learnt to trust, believing that He'll rescue me in due time. I've learnt to repent also after Holy spirit reminded me about my sin and those things which displease God. Last but not least, I've learnt to give thanks to Him for God has drawn me closer to Him through life's challenges. And if you ask me the same question as what others had asked that sister which I mentioned earlier, I will tell you that I would choose to live in bad times, because I can see His hands working in the dark hour.


A life which is a bed of roses is meaningless.............


Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Always On My Mind

Don't forget the things I had told you my dear. No matter where life may take us to, in good times or bad times, do remember that you have the strength to carry on, because I'm always there for you, to care and to pray for you. You're so special in my eye, and you are always on my mind. Take care dear.